Uh, maybe I’ve been looking at this from the wrong perspective…

I’m not so certain what I’m after is to change myself. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m not really seeking to change as much as I’m seeking to understand and accept – and rediscover. I’ve been “here” all along but I’ve been afraid to show myself. Being overtly Me has not particularly meshed well with my life as a codependent. Sure there are glimmers and moments of Me, but for the most part I’ve been mostly inauthentic and self-stifling in certain areas of my life. It’s OK because I understand why, but after the realization it would no longer be OK because of awareness.

Rather than changing, I’m breaking habits and trying not to repeat destructive, inauthentic cycles. I don’t see the difference as being rooted in denial or illusion but rather rooted in acceptance and reality. Funny, I’m not experiencing so much anxiety or fear about the unknown. Somehow, I really think it’s going to be ok.

Wow. It’d really be liberating to be free to be Me all of the time. Whatever that means. I think I rather like the idea.