Apparently, she missed this…


I was talking with my therapist (T) today and I mentioned how I catch myself dissociating more than ever. I told her I find myself dissociating when I feel trapped in the house. H “strongly suggested” I stay the week because of oldest son’s grad party this weekend. uh what? [Your argument is invalid.] So I’ve been here but I left myself room to change that if I decide. I’m getting there.

Anyway, T says “wait, to clarify, did you just tell me that you dissociate a lot?”

Yep.  All the time. Less now that I catch myself, but still quite a lot. If I stay at the house too long, the old patterns gain strength and the cycles begin.

No thanks.

I have a rough weekend coming with H’s entire freaking family coming for the party.

Screw ’em. My house. Behave yourselves. Or leave. This isn’t about you.

So my T told me to try to stay on the mindfulness track and don’t be hard on myself for dissociation. Just be aware of it.

5 thoughts on “Apparently, she missed this…

  1. Mindfulness, in your situation (ok, really in anybody’s situation), is truly the key. You seem to be doing better day-by-day. I’m glad you are posting again. You are helping yourself, and others!

      • I’m glad things are getting better. When you disappear for long amounts of time, I wonder if you’re away because things or awesome or away because things are bad.

      • Very astute observation…usually when I’m quiet it’s because I’m locked up inside of myself. The process is awful but I always find I’m there for a reason. I think I have to be quiet to see myself more clearly, you know, without all of the noise. Unfortunately, depression exacerbates an otherwise healthy coping skill to something that can slide into detriment. So…I keep a good focus and do the work. I also keep a close eye on intensity so it stays safe.

        The concept of balance is on my lofty goals list 😉

  2. Hi DharmaGoddess 🙂
    I have not visited in a while. But am blown away by some of your most recent posts. I have been keeping myself hostage lately. Discovering how I have been so out of touch with the world even when I am doing recovery work. Dissociation sucks. But as I read your posts… I feel like you are getting closer and closer to you…on this journey. And your journey reminds me that whatever twist or turn this is today…no matter that I feel I am at a sharp corner with no view of what is around the corner, but a nice view of the distance I could fall…I am getting closer and closer to me… Best to you these days.

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