BPD Question

OK, so if one is dealing with a BPD spouse, it seems like the advice is to not argue or defend during the spouse’s flare up. However, the non shouldn’t be a doormat. The scenarios presented always speak to the no win dynamic. Resistance is futile. heh. 

[yeah, yeah, codependent, enabling, he’s in therapy now, all that…I know…]

Given all of that, how is someone like me who has been seriously wounded by the nasty things H might say and not take them personally? How can that possibly be healthy for me? Do I have it wrong here?

***

P.S. – Processing a lot of serious things and have been incommunicado and buried with end of semester yuck. It’s been helpful to focus on work though. I am low on ability to interact but I had to raise my head to get feedback. I can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve been keeping myself out of the toxic house as much as possible and I am better. Now I need to know what not to do. 

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3 thoughts on “BPD Question

  1. First impression… How can the words hurt you if you don’t believe them? which leads to: What would you have to do to not believe them? Or, what parts of you believe them?

    The logic of this is that believing them gives them the power to wound; IOW, *you* give them the power. Taking the power away—not believing the words—means you’re the opposite of passive, i.e., not a doormat.

    Make any sense?

    • I agree. Don’t believe the negative, it is not true!
      You are worthwhile, all your feelings are valid.

      Try to celebrate yourself enough where the negative words someone says feel so out of place. Those negative words could not be anything but absurd, because you know you are better than that! You deserve greatness, and do not have to accept anything but positivity for yourself.

      Then it is only attempted abuse. Because your strong cloak of self-love won’t even let the words even sink in.

  2. Dharma, the space you are taking for yourself is grrrrreat. And the wounds you feel are real. AND the messages are untrue. At the risk of sounding like a (logic prof in psych or something…haha) both are true… How can both be true? You are human! You are invested! He is your significant other. You have your own emotions. You need acceptance and you are taking it by taking the space (and can take more if that is what you feel for) to let your wounds smart and hopefully heal. It is hard to accept that we need some distance oftentimes. We act like superwomen. But we are not impenetrable by any means. You need love and sensitivity as well. Right now you may be your biggest source of such things. But you have it here as well. xo

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