I had the opportunity to spend the night with my past and only AP last night. No details will be offered. It was out of the blue. I didn’t even have to think about it. I knew that I would cause more damage and stress to myself than good (and yes, ooooh yes was it good…), and that I could potentially further damage H and AP. I won’t lie and say I don’t still love him (AP) because I do. Obviously I love my H. We’ll go no deeper than that for now. Not the point… I want to be sure that when I am OK enough for any relationship, outside of a relationship with myself, that I am squarely on my feet and making the right choices for the right reasons.
The most important thing now is that I know I *can* have hope. I *can* have a healthy relationship. I *can* learn things whilst down here on the ground, things that will help me stand up again. And I can still get a view from 10,000 feet when necessary.
I made the right decision for me when I could have easily gotten away with it, because see, I live with *myself* now. First, last, and always. Every day. No pat on the back solicited or wanted. It just is.