What therapy is *not*

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Yes, it hit me. I see the trap of over seeking agreement with my position as well as intellectualizing too much. I also see the temptation to over seek agreement or validation. All of these things, in a balanced view, can be healthy. Going to therapy to get my therapist to agree that 1) my husband has a problem, 2) his problem has wrecked me, 3) I am justified in leaving him and 4) my view of the past is correct. Thing of these things along a continuum: yep, he has anger issues; yep, I’m at my limit; yep, our relationship tends to be toxic and yep, what happened really happened. It’s not a pity party as much as it is lessons learned (in the project management sense). Sure, who doesn’t like a healthy dose of “Geesh, you sure have had it hard! Wow! That must have been rough!” However, there’s limited value to such things lest wallowing and enabling – yeck – take insidious root.

Yes, those things happened. They sucked. What’s the next right move? Answer the “so what?” question. 

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I believe therapy holds larger opportunities for me than to co-opt my therapist. That would likely represent another form of self-sabotage. Interesting.

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2 thoughts on “What therapy is *not*

  1. I think I really was like you…seeking constant validation… validation is good like you say but almost needing someone to always say what I did or thought was okay… instead of trusting myself to ‘know’ and believe in myself .. and my decisions… Diane

    • Diane,

      Interestingly, I recognize it as a reflex in conjunction with the relationship where I constantly seek validation. I *do not* do this in other relationships with anyone, under any circumstances. Though as I talked about my relationship I saw the temptation to project that need for validation into the therapy process. [ah ha! Sneaky, sneaky little shame and guilt!]

      It was quite odd really, which is probably the only reason I could so easily recognize it. 🙂

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