Yes, it hit me. I see the trap of over seeking agreement with my position as well as intellectualizing too much. I also see the temptation to over seek agreement or validation. All of these things, in a balanced view, can be healthy. Going to therapy to get my therapist to agree that 1) my husband has a problem, 2) his problem has wrecked me, 3) I am justified in leaving him and 4) my view of the past is correct. Thing of these things along a continuum: yep, he has anger issues; yep, I’m at my limit; yep, our relationship tends to be toxic and yep, what happened really happened. It’s not a pity party as much as it is lessons learned (in the project management sense). Sure, who doesn’t like a healthy dose of “Geesh, you sure have had it hard! Wow! That must have been rough!” However, there’s limited value to such things lest wallowing and enabling – yeck – take insidious root.
Yes, those things happened. They sucked. What’s the next right move? Answer the “so what?” question.
I believe therapy holds larger opportunities for me than to co-opt my therapist. That would likely represent another form of self-sabotage. Interesting.