Disclosure: I will swear. A lot.
OK wait wait wait wait wait….waaaaaaaaitttttt a minute here…
What is this shit that codependence is an ACTUAL addiction – you know, like need to have it drug…drinking all of the time…or that stuff… but it’s all surrounding a PERSON other than ME??
What. The. Fuck.
No, seriously. This has taken a full 24 hours to hit me square in the gut. HARD.
So what you’re saying to me is that despite the fact that I don’t drink [I suck at it. Really.] I don’t do drugs. I’m not addicted to eating or shopping or sex. BUT I’M STILL A FUCKING ADDICT?
Who do I punch in the face?? NOW? Right the fuck now!
OK, I’m done with that. Pfew. Exhausting. I’m not much for the anger thing in that way. It seems that I prefer to self-destruct from the inside out. /laughing Not so much, any more.
Yesterday, a friend of mine lectured me for 1 full hour about the fact that I am an addict and that it is up to me to stop feeding the addiction and find out who the hell I am. um HEEEYEAH…like I didn’t *know* that last part but WHAT? I’m an addict?
You must be shitting me.
Glenda the Good Witch type of vision: “Now my darling, I would never, ever in a million years shit a girl so wonderful as you!” [bats eyelashes at me as she waves her wand]
I am flying between:
This was the tipping point: At some point I watched a video on YouTube where the presenter made the point of saying that codependent behaviors are BEYOND the control of that person. No chance. Nada. Not even if they try really, really, really hard.
WHAT? No control?
Once again, you shit me.
But yeah. Apparently, that’s the deal. So OK, now that I’ve got it. Oh my god. This is so much weirder than I thought it all was. I have no idea what I’m feeling right now. what?