Lose the victim thing…

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Below is an excerpt from an article by Mark Smith (n.d.) entitled “There are no victims in life or marriage“. The simplicity of Smith’s choice to invoke Nelson’s (1993) Autobiography in Five Short Chapters was tremendously effective on the heels of his discussion of victim roles. Nelson’s work really hit home with me when considering the end-to-end process of enacting change surrounding toxic behaviors. Changing toxic behaviors can be a frustrating process, prompting many to stop trying because the sting of failure carries with it compounded consequences. However, if one is resilient, they will continue to try. For me, the quest for a structured process that includes the possibility of backsliding [’cause it’s gonna happen…] has been instrumental to my recovery. The combination of Smith’s explanation and Nelson’s work hit the mark.

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“An autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson describes perfectly what I have been trying to share . . .

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost . . . I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my responsibility.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.”

***

YES!!

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