Awesome Picture Credit: http://iamthedarthvader.deviantart.com/art/Storm-Troopers-See-no-Evil-217690641
He left my narcissistic mother to her own devices, which meant physical and emotional abuse on a constant basis. He turned his head and pretended his law enforcement radar wasn’t going off. He didn’t want to change the status quo because that would have meant that he wouldn’t have been able to focus on maintaining his alcohol addiction. She punished the adorable little gifted child who learned how to become invisible and perform on demand because she, as the adult, could not control herself. It was always my fault. He was more important than me and so was she because when I asked him for help, he enabled her and reinforced it. I couldn’t talk to anyone because of his job. It was a tiny place. As a grownup, people have told me they felt sorry for me. In pictures, I see them looking down at me with such fierce love and protection, yet they both threatened my safety. And my future.
I became the next generation of emotional casualties in the line of many. Survival meant never being Me, whatever that meant, because it always led to pain and trauma.
I have never resolved these issues directly with my parents and that’s how they will remain. The only use for remembering these things is to further understand that I am a highly sensitive person moving beyond a traumatic background. [But she looks so *normal*…yeah, many of us do.] I’m making progress. I’ve never given up. I never will.
How I did better:
I took my son out of an abusive environment at a critical moment. I had the courage to state to H the way it was going to be with little explanation and no justification whatsoever. I stood up to him. I knew I had done something that my dad, super hero that he is, could never do for me. Further, I’ve deflected H’s negativity and pouting, along with the spin that sounds a bit like “see! It was his/your/their fault!” I stood up to him about that too.