This article is satire, intended to be tongue in cheek and is not to be taken seriously.
She’s left you? Is she mad? What the hell is she thinking?
After everything you DO for her! Well, clearly you haven’t shouted loud enough or made her feel small enough, what HAVE you been doing all this time? Well, clearly not much because now.. NOW she’s gone and actually made a decision of her own and has rejected you! For real this time!
In this awful, unfair and wholly unwarranted situation, of which, I’m sure you hold absolutely no fault in, the best thing to do is to use all of your unspent energy and anger into being as awkward as possible.
Firstly, you must always remember that her decisions are not valid. None of them. Her decision to leave you is either based on another person ‘poisoning’ her mind against…
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