How to beat emotional blackmail

I’ve read this post at least 7 times this afternoon. Very good advice!

Avalanche of the soul

Does your partner threaten to kill himself if you try to leave him? Does he tell you you don’t love him enough? That he just can’t cope without you? Then you may be on the receiving end of emotional blackmail. Here’s my guide to identifying and dealing with one of the most powerful tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.

If you are in – or have gotten out of – an abusive relationship, you will have experienced emotional blackmail. Some blackmail tactics are in-your face and blatant. Some are much more subtle and insidious. All fall broadly into just three categories.

1) Blame and denial

I call these the ‘if, only and just’ statements. Watch out for these words, which are designed to minimise the abuse or deflect responsibility elsewhere.

  • I only hit you when I’m drunk. Why won’t you help me to stop drinking?
  • It’s your fault I yell at…

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4 thoughts on “How to beat emotional blackmail

  1. Thanks for the re-blog – I’m glad you think that the post is useful! Emotional blackmail kept me in an abusive relationship for way too long. Every time I gave into it, it just showed my abuser that this soul-sapping tactic worked.

    • It was my privilege!

      “Every time I gave into it, it just showed my abuser that this soul-sapping tactic worked.”

      Yep. I’m going to have to write that sentence on a 3×5 card and hang it on my bathroom mirror. Then I’ll write it on my hand in Sharpie. Then I’ll make it my laptop wallpaper.

      (The possibilities are endless – as are the opportunities for backsliding! Beware! Beware!)


  2. Pingback: Emotional Blackmail | Nyssa's Hobbit Hole: Blog

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