Interesting turning point

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I have consulting business coming my way courtesy of H’s company. We work fine together though it was rough in the summer. I have a possible job prospect in higher ed technology. My graduate class with probably not run due to low enrollment, just in time to get the new LMS which actually works… I have lost my mojo almost completely with regard to my professorate at the college. It is an issue of organizational and role fit. Higher ed in my state sucks for a variety of reasons. I am ready to say the career change was ill-timed but educational. I am ready to plan my next move: working for me. Second choice, working for someone who is at least as smart as me. I need to be turned loose. This is not a damn dress rehearsal and there is no future for me in the current environment. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to have the gifts of knowledge and know-how to innovate my own future. “No fear” is crap. Let’s be honest: it’s scary. 

It’s also liberating. 

I have accepted a few social invitations from H and am looking forward to them, mostly. This is an improvement since before it was like root canal sans drugs. He has been really wonderful and patient. I shut down the occasional whining and bitching and we go on. My oldest son has dropped in a few times and I have been delighted. We are close and this year has been a challenge for him with regard to school – or authority in general. All normal. Youngest son is happy and amusing. He is with me most of the time and the only problem we have is mornings…jeez, awful.  

I have some big internal conflicts to deal with and I’m not running from them. The trouble is that there are only so many hours in a day. My work outside of work has been good. Very good. “Real” work, meh. I guess this is what they’d call balance[ish?].

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