It’s big I tell ya, big…



After reading @Wonderfulshantelle’s post, I found the words. Yep, it’s big. 

Just like the movie depicted above, unhinging ourselves from enmeshment, shame, guilt, (i.e., codependence) we embark upon growing up a part/parts of ourselves that never grew up. It’s an oxymoronic proposition because it seems that many of us codependents grew up too quickly. In fact, that’s just a smokescreen for what’s really going on. Perhaps it is the parts of us that grew up too quickly and thus, prematurely and in a skewed way, that is the root cause. 

I submit to you that yes, we do have to source and nurture that inner child/children, however, we don’t have to become hostages in our adult lives to them. Getting past one’s stories is hard given the fact that society places a lot of currency in return for hearing our stories. That’s therapeutic to a point, however, the goal can be permanently buried if we’re not careful. The goal state is to learn to live without those stories. 

What would that look like? How much lighter would we feel? How would we explain ourselves in all types of relationships without those frameworks? Can we visualize the void? Is it still dark? Are we willing to keep looking long enough to see the emergence of light? 

I’m on the precipice of something big. I’m questioning everything. I’m feeling. I’m becoming more aware of my frameworks and how I self-sabotage. It’s only a little terrifying, if I allow it. Sometimes I do. The beauty of the process is that I’m learning to get myself unstuck more efficiently. There are parts of my inner child, or ego, that are very healthy. It’s important in recovery of all types to refuse to stop looking for that light. 

Big challenges are ahead for the holidays. I’d better build it because they’re gonna come anyway. 


4 thoughts on “It’s big I tell ya, big…

  1. sounds good, i feel excited for you!
    ive only done a little research into codependence, at first it was for myself, but i didnt seem to fit, just something @ the growing up too quick thing… i dont know if this will be helpful or not, but with mr b, we seem to think it was more that he was made to grow up to fit someone elses model (his parents) rather than his own… so he feels confused about his own… directions…
    again, super excited for you!

  2. I know I grew up too quickly and yes, I can adapt, survive and fight my way through loads of crap but the challenge has been how to move through daily life, not waiting for the dark cloud to appear or looking over my shoulder for the next loss. My ageing has helped in the sense that I don’t care as much about other’s opinions, wrong impressions of me, etc. The freedom to be myself, find myself and to seek joy is a personal one and one that I am taking seriously for the first time in my life (without guilt)! I applaud you for doing the same and for continuing to seek the light!

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