The Codependent Tree


OK, so let’s think about this…my feelings are hurt because my husband of nearly 22 years, from whom I am separated [but we still see each other], has booked an out-of-town golf trip for our anniversary weekend. Without me, of course. He even specifically mentioned the 14th numerous times in our conversation and I’m now wondering if he was trying to get a reaction from me. Ah but wait, that’s not about me is it…OK…

(feeling a smidge better)

I struggling with releasing this hurt. I’m staring at the base of my codependent tree. Normally, I would act upon that hurt and climb that damn tree to get his attention – to let him know that I’m hurt – but it would take a bit of a struggle for me to express it. Then he would likely say something like “well, I didn’t know if you wanted to do anything. I didn’t think you’d be interested.” Then, like the good little codependent I USED to be, I would have felt like I was batty, which I am not. He would likely dismiss me feeling bad, I would likely cry [so what, it’s healthy, fuck off] and he would say “why are you crying???” Then martyrdom would ensue.

In short, I would enable.

(OK, a lot better now…)

Not. Happening. My reaction is not about game-playing. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. If he wants to work on this fucking marriage, then he needs to stop with the PA bullshit. I am not going to respond to any of it. I recognize the risk of being informed by him that I am acting coldly, but actually I am doing what’s right for me. Therefore, I will re-educate him. [yes, I know that was condescending, but I’m human and I’m still a little pissed. Shit happens. Don’t judge.]


So THIS is what they call a boundary. [“ooooh! aaaahh! shiney, like it’s never been used…”]

I need an axe. I’m chopping that horrible tree down.

OK, I need a hell of a lot more than an axe. It’s cool. I got this thing. 

P.S. – I know I made a raging mess with mixing metaphors and several other writing sins. Too bad. My blog. Deal. [lol! yay! silly is good!]


9 thoughts on “The Codependent Tree

  1. Pingback: Saying “no”: a codependent’s nightmare | Dharma Goddess: The Journey to Me

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