Finally, we talked about my moving out…for real.
It was late and I was getting tired. H had rambled on about work at an unbelievable pace since he hit the door last night and I was determined to 1) be respectful of his excitement about his new job – it truly is a good thing for all of us – and 2) have the conversation and pierce the silence. We were sitting outside having a smoke and I waited for a break in the chatter.
“I’m tired of being in a holding pattern.” [me]
“So what do you want to do?” [him]
“I’ve told you over and over what I want to do and you’ve done everything you can to change my mind. On the one hand, I appreciate it but on the other hand, I’m feeling stuck because this new job has eclipsed everything, which is understandable but not a long term solution to the stuckness.” [me]
“So OK then, let’s tell the kids.” [him]
I sat with it for a second and then we talked about logistics. I told him we didn’t have to figure all of that out tonight since we were both tired. He told me I’d have all day [today] to work on it.
It was weird for a little while as H buzzed around the house and busied himself with little clean up tasks that weren’t necessary. Finally, we got close and I appreciated that time.
H got up early and had set the Keurig for my first cup of coffee. He uses my coffee cups to convey messages, which is very sweet. Today’s message “You mean the world to me” with hearts and a bear. /smile
Onward we go. Today I try to make some sense out of the schedule, which is going to be goofy because of everybody returning to school shortly. There are some things I must take care of at the apartment so I can be ready for the boys.