H started his job on Wednesday and he’s very excited. It’s going to be a great challenge for him and he’s more than suited for it. Unfortunately, that’s all we’ve been talking about for weeeeeeeks. He called me in the middle of the afternoon and absolutely talked non-stop for more than 20 minutes. I was in the middle of grading my graduate students’ projects and totally lost my train of thought and couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I was glad that he could share his happiness with me but a boundary would have been appreciated.
i.e., “Hi! How’s your day? Do you have a few minutes?”
Finally, at the 22 minute mark he plowed his way through to say we should do something tonight. I stumbled verbally for a sec and then said “uh, ok.” And then he started rambling again! I had to break in, a little more aggressive this time “Uh Greg, Greg…Greg! OK, I’ll see you tonight! Talk to you later!” and that was that.
Codependent Me felt bad because he’s excited, but I think I did what I should have which was listened for a little while then somehow get back to my day. I just didn’t think I’d have to be so direct/forceful.
When we finished talking I brought to the forefront the frustration I’m feeling because, once again, my moving out has receded to the wallpaper. I’m going to have to bring it up, again. I’m irritated that he’s continued to push me off and ignore my needs and it’s fucking with my head. I’m irritated because I feel like he’s pushing us into this time crunch that doesn’t need to occur. Three weeks until the kids start and two weeks until my faculty duties go full time plus. We need time to adjust! The longer we wait, the more I see him as being selfish.
One of my close friends is PISSED at me because I’ve had all summer to make this damn move and she’s afraid the kids won’t have time to adjust before they go to school. She’s right.
I haven’t seen my counselor in a few weeks because H’s job has freakin’ eclipsed the world.
I read something last evening that was an echo of what my friend said: if he won’t make the move to relieve some of the pressure then I owe it to everyone to do the right thing. This means stand up and be a Big Girl and tell him how it’s going to be. I’ve gained the 10 pounds I’m going to allow and now it’s time to get back in shape so I can wear my suits to work. It’s time for me to take care of me and if I don’t, [my friend is right] I should let the apartment go and move back in and give up totally. If not now, when? After the kids start school? After I start school? Oh no, that won’t be stressful.
And where is my mental health in all of that? I have to stop repeating these patterns. I have to stop. All of it. Get honest and live life, not recede.
I have to be the one to do the right thing.