Controlled Separation Agreement, Part 3



[read on]

Living arrangements

  • D will live in the apartment and H will remain in the home. Removal of any household items will be discussed and agreed upon in advance.
  • We agree to no unannounced visits to either residence and visits will be agreed upon in advance, unless there is an emergency.

Communication with others regarding our separation

  • We agree to develop a timeline and a script for telling our children about our separation.
  • We agree to limit explanations of the details of our personal relationship to discourage unnecessary gossip.
  • We also agree to refrain from maligning each other and will not encourage others to take sides.
  • If we communicate to others about our separation, we agree that we will state that we are temporarily separated and seeking counseling to work on our relationship.
  • We will agree upon whom we will tell about our separation.

Support Systems

Wherever practical and desired, we both agree to develop a support system of important friends, become more involved socially with others, not date potential love partners, remain emotionally monogamous, remain sexually monogamous. During this critical time, we recognize that our choices regarding friendships, etc. should reflect the quality of our efforts to repair our marriage and agree that such relationships will be appropriately supportive of that goal.

While our intentional focus will be on healing our relationship, some therapists have noted value in dating outside of the relationship to either recognize the marriage is not right for them, or, to gain insight as to the value of our marriage. Many experts have noted that a high degree of ambiguity is normal during times of extreme relationship challenges. Though dating others is not within the scope of our present agreement, if one of us decides that they would like to date outside of the marriage, the matter will be discussed. We anticipate that such a conversation would be quite difficult for both of us, however, we will honor and respect the feelings of both parties.


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