I’ve determined that I need to be my own Superhero. I was wallowing this evening, thinking how dissatisfied I was with my life, wahhh wahhh, wahhhh…
I could only think to myself “WTF? I have never been this helpless, controlled, one-dimensional person and I sure wasn’t meant to be this way either!” If someone would have told me when I was 18 years old, how things would look at this juncture in my life, I might have punched them in the mouth. Just for fun. Nah, not really. But it would have been tempting. So here I am and I’m wondering what’s changed. Why have I just accepted all of this nonsense?
Because I’ve given away my power. [If I have to hear that one more damn time from my therapist I’m going to scream! If I hear it one more time from my closest friend, I’m going to scream!]
Both of my sons were acting like Jr. Jerks this evening and I lowered the boom on both of them. To the teenager: get a grip and don’t disrespect me. To the medium sized one: YOU do not run the show Jeeves.
Then there is the biggest child, you know, the one I married. I guess I could sit around resenting him and watching my life drift away to nothingness, but, um, I don’t think that’s gonna work for me somehow. /heavy sarcasm
I’m through. I’ve got to be my own superhero by treating them how I expect to be treated. With the kids, that’s easy. With the biggest kid, eh, well it’s going to get easy pretty shortly. I’ve already started to move into acceptance in a few small ways and I intend on keeping that momentum. I am DONE. This business of not being able to leave the house – or feel like I’m not able to – is garbage. I’m sick of being here all day, every day, trying to work and having Greg interrupt me 55 gazillion times. That is not acceptable. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this and, apparently, he’s so selfish that he can’t get it. My turn to be selfish is coming right up. I won’t be selfish at the expense of others so I’ll be damned if I’m going to idly allow things to drift into oblivion as I cope with others’ selfishness at my expense. I don’t have to be mean or angry. I just have to be firm. No, I have to be fearless. Like a superhero.
I always joke that Wonder Woman didn’t have children and therefore her existence was a bit easier than those of us who do. Well, I guess that will make the ending – or the next chapter – of my life’s story a little more interesting. Perhaps, even more laudable.
Boundaries? We’re getting them. One way or another.
Picture from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonder_Woman