In my session on Saturday, my therapist turned to me and pointedly said “Do you think this will work??” This was after I talked and talked about what I’m doing in my recovery efforts. What she’s saying is that the whole of the thing cannot be one-sided. Her question was a salient one and I’ve kept it in the forefront of my mind for days.
Here’s the net-net: There are a lot of dependencies (i.e., things that must occur before something else can happen) inherent in healing the relationship, however, there is no need for all of those dependencies to slow my progress – unless I allow it.
Nope. I cannot allow it. Too much is at stake. What I’m lacking is concrete actions tied to realizations that result in personal convictions. Actions relate to boundaries and I have loads of work to be done in that regard. I’m willing to do the work because for me it means survival, not just recovery. If he is not willing to do the work, I cannot change or control that. I have to accept it and work with what is in front of me.
Personal issues are not static, they are dynamic. On top of everything else I am finding myself having to deal with his denial/resistance. Here’s a thought: maybe I don’t have to deal with it. Hmmmm…[the codependent scratches her head]