and taking the good with the ugly.
I have found many golden resources within the last 36 hours. I am working hard to understand myself. Here is a nugget:
“It has been said a codependent has a compulsive need to control an otherwise out of control life… I took control by withdrawing and numbing all my feelings….” [from http://malecodependence.com/2012/12/04/something-was-wrong-with-me/]
Control is oxymoronic within the context of codependent behaviors. I won’t pretend that I understand everything because that would be foolish and shallow. Hell, I’m still trying to unravel that things I heard my mother say when I was growing up that, because of the power relationship, she made sure I couldn’t practice.
Example: Nobody can make you feel badly unless you let them.
And then something would happen I invariably felt like I had no right to feel anything at all, let alone enact boundaries of any kind. I had no rights. Therefore, I have a dearth of skills in this area.