Today seems to be characterized by spiraling. I am spiraling into depression and I had a very disturbing thought earlier: what if I’m never “right” again. Ugh! Knock that off sister.
I was really trying to hold it together to make things nice for the kids today and that’s still possible. I think I need a nap. Second day without ADHD meds and I’m sure that’s compounding things. I’m at the house because H just can’t seem to live without me being in his sight. Never mind that I desperately need space to work on myself. I’m not functioning. I’m letting things slip like personal grooming (GOOD GRIEF!) and the guilt and self-loathing are in full swing. It’s just one of those days. My actions put us here yes, but there were decades of crap that led me to feel emotionally divorced. I guess I’m a little angry too.
Man this is a weird place.